


Stay

by allyasavedtheday



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sharing a Bed, post 3x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-06 02:51:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8731993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyasavedtheday/pseuds/allyasavedtheday
Summary: On the one hand, Sonja has known Even a lot longer than he has and she probably knows what’s best for him. On the other hand, he remembers Even’s words from last Saturday. While he knows now Even’s idea of Sonja trying to control him is probably just her trying to look out for him, he also remembers what he told Even.  Only you can feel what you feelHe’ll stay away when Even tells him to.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Polski available: [Zostać](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10414662) by [erraticmuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/erraticmuse/pseuds/erraticmuse)



> I am devASTATED. ok i needed to fix things. So please enjoy some cuddling to make up for the hell we all experienced tonight. i literally read over this once ok i need to sleep i'll fix it in the morning but I hope u all feel better soon <3
> 
> this story has now been translated into chinese which you can read [here](http://redforall.lofter.com/post/364100_da0784c) :)

He doesn’t go to the police station with Sonja. She tells him to stay away and he’s too devastated to fight her on it. He doesn’t go back to the hotel either – he doesn’t think he can.

In the end he stares at his phone contacts and wavers between Eskild and Jonas until his thumb eventually lands on Jonas’ name. He lets out a choked sob as soon as Jonas picks up and that’s all it takes before he can hear him stumbling out of bed on the other end of the line and asking where he is.

He spends the night at Jonas’ house but he doesn’t sleep. And, other than a brief explanation of what happened, Jonas doesn’t make him talk. His mind keeps circling back to the locker room. To _I decided my life would be better off without mentally ill people_. To Even pulling away and saying things were moving too fast. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking- _fuck_.

He did this. He made Even feel like he couldn’t say anything, like he had to hide this. Why doesn’t he ever fucking _think_ before he speaks?

He spends half the night convincing himself that Sonja is right and that he should stay away from Even. He clearly hasn’t been good for him so far.

But then he spends the early morning convincing himself of the opposite. What he said in the locker room was wrong and he hadn’t meant it like that. But he’s good for Even, _he is_. And Even’s good for him too. Their smiles are good, their touches are good, their words – when they’re the right ones – are good.

They’re good.

He doesn’t bother texting Even - fairly sure he won’t answer. He texts Sonja instead even though he doesn’t really want to talk to her.

_He’s at home now, his parents are with him. Just let him rest, Isak._

**_I just want to know if he’s okay?_ **

_He’ll be fine, this has happened before. It’d be better for both of you if you just stay away._

On the one hand, Sonja has known Even a lot longer than he has and she probably knows what’s best for him. On the other hand, he remembers Even’s words from last Saturday. While he knows now Even’s idea of Sonja trying to control him is probably just her trying to look out for him, he also remembers what he told Even.

_Only you can feel what you feel._

He’ll stay away when Even tells him to.

He goes to Even’s house even though he’s never actually met Even’s parents before. His mom tries to send him away when he knocks on the door, says that Even’s not up for visitors.

“Can you just tell him I’m here?” he requests, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice. “If he wants me to go, I will, but just tell him. Please.”

She appraises him for a moment but obligingly drifts away from the door, down the hall to where Isak knows Even’s room is. She comes back before he has too much time to start panicking and opens the door wider to let him through, a considering look on her face.

“His room’s the second on the left,” she tells him and Isak ducks his head as he passes her, just about refraining from running down the hallway.

The first thing he notices when he steps inside Even’s room is that it’s dark. The last time he was here everything was light; the sun shone through the window and made it seem so open. But now the curtains are pulled and the room feels so much smaller than it did before. His gaze snags on the drawings stuck to Even’s closet door for a second until he lets his eyes gravitate to Even’s loft.

He can make out Even’s eyes through the gap in the little wooden slats that frame the bed and it makes his heart stutter in his chest.

“Halla.” His mouth feels dry and the word doesn’t come out right. Something feels very wrong about the way Even doesn’t react to it – he just keeps looking down at Isak.

Isak pushes the door closed behind himself and takes two more steps into the room. Now that he’s closer, he can see Even’s face; his blanket covers him from the neck down so all that’s visible is a tuft of soft hair and his drawn expression.

Another two steps and Isak is standing in front of the loft. He’s just tall enough to be able to look over the wooden railing and meet Even’s eyes. “Can I come up?” he whispers.

Even stares at him for what feels like an age before he eventually nods.

Isak kicks off his shoes and moves to the ladder, watching the way Even shuffles back towards the wall to make room for him. It’s a single bed so there’s not a lot of space but Isak fits himself into the place Even makes for him.

They’re not touching but they’re sharing a pillow and Isak has never felt more exposed than he does right now.

“How do you feel?” he asks, voice so low it’s hardly above a whisper. Anything louder wouldn’t feel right right now.

“I don’t know,” Even admits after a while, voice sounding rough from disuse.

Isak sighs, tentatively reaching out a hand and brushing his fingers over Even’s jaw. “I’m sorry.”

Even’s brow furrows just the slightest bit and it’s the first sign of a reaction Isak has seen from him since he entered the room. “Why?”

“For what I said in the locker room,” he clarifies, swallowing around the lump in his throat and forcing himself to continue when Even’s expression shutters. “I never meant- I didn’t mean it like that.

“It doesn’t make it okay,” he continues. “But things with my mom are just- really hard. I’ll explain it all to you one day. When you want to hear it. But things got really bad towards the end before I moved out. What I said was just…leftover resentment.”

Even’s eyes are boring into his and Isak feels brave enough to move his hand from Even’s jaw to slide it into his hair. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me the truth.”

Even casts his gaze downward before looking at Isak again. “Did Sonja tell you?”

Isak nods, sweeping his thumb over the hinge of Even’s jaw. “Will you explain it to me?”

Even’s throat bobs and Isak tracks the movement. He wants nothing more than to pull Even close and crush him into a hug. He looks so vulnerable and so unlike the Even he’s grown to know. But he doesn’t, he waits because things feel too fragile right now for any sudden movements.

“I’m not very easy to love,” Even mumbles and Isak thinks he feels his heart shatter as soon as the words are out of his mouth.

He tips his head forward until their foreheads are brushing together, using the hand in Even’s hair to soothe him. “Let me try anyway,” he whispers.

Even moves then, pulling away from Isak only to burrow closer by burying his head in the crook of Isak’s neck, one his hands snaking out from under the covers to slide over Isak’s waist. His hand fists in Isak’s hoodie, so tight Isak is convinced Even must think he’s about disappear.

“It’s okay.” He murmurs the promise into Even’s hair, running a soothing hand up Even’s back before letting it drift back to the hair at the nape of Even's neck.

He listens while Even talks. While he stumbles over his words and talks about having missed so much school the year he was diagnosed that he had to repeat, about why he changed schools, about Sonja and how she was really great about his disorder at first but how it’d started to feel like she was more like his babysitter than his girlfriend. He takes long pauses and his voice quivers here and there but he doesn’t stop and Isak doesn’t interrupt him, patiently waiting until he’s done.

“I’m sorry,” Even says when he hasn’t spoken for a while.

Isak frowns, hand pausing where he’d been carding his fingers through Even’s hair before he remembers to keep going. “What for?”

“This isn’t what you wanted,” Even mutters, barely audible from where his mouth is muffled by Isak’s shoulder.

“I want you.” Isak disagrees, leaning back and shuffling down on the mattress until they’re eye level again.

Even’s looking at him like he doesn’t dare hope Isak’s telling the truth so he tips his head up and presses his lips to Even’s forehead.

“Can I stay here with you for a while?” It sounds so similar to what Even had asked him in his room all those weeks ago that it almost makes him pause. But he doesn’t say forever today because he thinks that might be a bit too much for Even right now. He thinks maybe just promising to stay here might be enough.

Even nods, nose brushing idly against Isak’s and it’s so familiar Isak almost wants to cry with relief. They’re okay, they’ll be okay, everything’s going to be okay.

“Will you help me fall asleep?” Even asks quietly.

Isak nods, shifting onto his back and letting Even rest his head on his chest. Even twists around until he gets some of the blanket free from under him so they can share it before his left hand goes searching for Isak’s.

Isak links their fingers together as Even drops his head back down onto his chest. It takes a while but he eventually hears Even’s breathing even out and he becomes heavy where he lays half on top of Isak.

He doesn’t know what’s happening with all the other Isak-and-Evens right now in all the other different universes. But in this universe, they sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even wakes up to the faint sound of a heart beating under his ear.
> 
> Opening his eyes brings the world back into focus and he realises he’s not imagining the warmth enveloping him. Isak’s chest is under his head. Isak’s right hand is holding his left. Isak’s other hand is buried deep in Even’s hair.
> 
> Isak is _here_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still sad and things still arEN'T BETTER. (though they're looking up!!!!) so this is me continuing to try and fix things and give ppl the hurt/comfort we all so desperately need 
> 
> so here's some of Even's pov, picks up right where the last chapter leaves off. enjoy some much needed cuddles, my friends <3
> 
> chapter 2 in chinese [here](http://redforall.lofter.com/post/364100_da63ea7)

Even wakes up to the faint sound of a heart beating under his ear.

Opening his eyes brings the world back into focus and he realises he’s not imagining the warmth enveloping him. Isak’s chest is under his head. Isak’s right hand is holding his left. Isak’s other hand is buried deep in Even’s hair.

Isak is _here_.

“You’re still here,” Even mumbles before his brain catches up with him, voice crackly from sleep.

Isak’s fingers curl in his hair and he hears a quiet hum from above him. “’Course,” he murmurs.

Even can’t believe that, can’t believe that any of the last few hours have been real. That Isak has seen him now, all of him – the good and the bad and the messy – and he’s still here. He can’t believe the implicit _I’m staying_ in every touch and quiet word that’s poured out of Isak since he arrived.

He picks his head up off Isak’s chest and meets his half-closed eyes. For the first time all day he feels a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and he doesn’t shy away from it. He lets his lips curve up just long enough for Isak to see before he dips down and brushes their mouths together.

Isak lets go of his hand to cup his cheek and Even’s not used to this.

He’s used to taking the lead in their relationship, in being the one doling out the comforting touches and the one Isak curls into. Because Isak had needed it and Even had loved it, loved the feeling of Isak in his arms, loved touching Isak’s cheeks and jaw and hair like they were the most precious things his fingers had ever come into contact with.

But now Isak is the one comforting him with heavy arms and gentle caresses and it’s so much, it makes Even feel a bit wobbly.

Isak’s lips are brushing against his, over and over again, so soft and reassuring that Even can feel tears gathering behind his closed lids. He pulls away when a couple of those tears threaten to fall; he tries blinking them away but Isak sees anyway.

“Hey,” Isak whispers, sweeping his thumb under Even’s eye and only causing more tears to spill over. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Even shakes his head and when he smiles, he means it. “I’m just really glad you’re here.”

Isak expression drops a bit and Even can tell he feels guilty still about what he said in the locker room all those weeks ago. But before he can say anymore, Isak slides his arm around Even’s neck to pull him down. He doesn’t kiss him like Even expects; instead he turns on his side so they’re pressed chest to chest and sharing the pillow, a mere inch of space between their faces.

Isak skims the slope of Even’s nose with the tip of his index finger, a smile lingering at the corners of his mouth. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

Even swallows down the lump in his throat, closing the marginal distance between them to connect their foreheads. “Promise?”

Isak responds by mumbling his, “Promise,” into Even’s mouth.

Even kisses him back and feels a swell of hope blooming in his chest.

They kiss in an unhurried, languid sort of way. No end goal in sight, just wanting to be close, and Even lives for this. _Loves_ this. Loves that this is enough to set his heart thumping heavily in his chest.

Eventually their kisses peter off, mostly because Even is still tired and a little drained after the emotional upheaval of the last twenty-four hours but Isak doesn’t protest when they stop.  He just pulls the covers up more around them to keep them warm and keeps his fingers carding through Even’s hair.

“Tell me something,” Even requests, looking into Isak’s deep, open eyes and needing to hear his voice.

Isak smiles and it’s the softest thing Even has ever seen. “Like what?”

He closes his eyes and blows out a breath, shuffling closer to Isak until his head is tucked under his chin. “What are the other Isak-and-Evens doing right now?”

Isak huffs a laugh, curling an arm around him and pulling him closer. “In one universe they’re having their first kiss.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Isak confirms, voice soft and fond like he’s remembering their own first kiss in the pool. “They’re on the grass looking up at the stars and there’s no water in their lungs.”

Even laughs, a quiet sound made quieter by the way he muffles it against Isak’s hoodie. “Okay,” he whispers.

“In another universe it’s the morning after and they’re waking up together for the first time.”

“Isak doesn’t wake up alone?” Even asks with some trepidation, still a little angry with himself for leaving Isak that first Sunday.

“No,” Isak says. “Even draws the pictures on Isak’s hand instead while they lie together. It’s nice.”

Even hums in approval, imagining drawing all of his thoughts onto Isak’s skin. He thinks he might want to do that someday. Someday when he’s not so tired and Isak’s voice isn’t lulling him to sleep.

“In another, they’re meeting for the first time,” Isak continues quietly. “Somewhere more romantic than the boys’ bathroom.”

Even feels his mouth drawing up in a grin and he doesn’t try to stop it. “Like where, then?”

He feels Isak shrug against him. “I don’t know; a party.”

Even huffs a laugh, “That’s not romantic, Isak.”

“Yes it is!” Isak protests. “They meet on the stairs and they end up staying there and talking all night and then they walk home together.”

“Okay,” he concedes, the echo of a laugh still in his voice. “I like that.”

“In another they’re probably lying on the couch watching movies.”

“Which movies?”

“Well if you have it your way, probably Romeo and Juliet and Pretty Woman.”

“I know you like Romeo and Juliet,” he mutters teasingly, nipping at Isak’s jaw and stifling a laugh when he makes a noise of protest.

They fall silent and Even lets one of his hands bunch up in the fabric of Isak’s hoodie, uses it to anchor himself.

“In another, I still live with my mom and dad,” Isak says after a moment, voice dropping down to a whisper. “She’s getting the help she needs and I’ve already accepted who I am before I meet you. You’re able to tell me about your mental illness at the beginning and none of the bad stuff happens because we’re in this together.”

Even closes his eyes again at the wistful tone in Isak’s voice. He gets it because, looking back, he can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if he’d been honest earlier. But part of him thinks Isak might not have been ready to hear it then. And regardless, despite all the pain they’ve caused each other, he wouldn’t change any of the bad parts if it meant he’d have to change the good too.

“What about here?” he murmurs to change the subject. “What’s happening right now?”

Isak’s fingers brush through his hair and his lips are pressed to Even’s forehead when he answers.

“Here? I’m saving you back.”

*

**Author's Note:**

> I hope u enjoyed it :') if you want to find me on tumblr i'm at [ littlespooneven](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com/)
> 
> thank you for reading <3


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